Mass-transit innovations are urgently needed

It’s a well-known scientific fact that the commonest use of cars is hauling children to soccer games.

Next is carrying dogs.

Third is for getaway drivers after robberies.

Then comes shopping.

Then for slamming the car door and roaring away after an argument with your significant other.

Somewhere after that is commuting to work, which is why “mass transit” in America is shunned by the masses.

Who wants to walk down to the bus stop and sit fuming for twenty minutes after your spouse has called you “a moron.” It just doesn’t satisfy emotionally.

For public transportation to become popular, there needs to be a special row of seats for angry riders with doors they can slam over and over, and another section with tissue dispensers in which jilted lovers can sob their hearts out.

An entire section must be reserved for people with dogs. The windows must open so ears can flap in the wind. Bowls of water by each seat. Brush holders in each armrest.

Fleeing robbers need cubicles with shades that hide the occupants.

New routes must be established that go to every soccer field.

What about the commuters? They can drive to work. Clogged freeways will be a thing of the past now that everyone else is using mass transit.





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