Qualifications

Professional bird watcher – doctorate from the Max Planck Institute for Ornithology, with special work in quantitative genetics and sympatric speciation.

Long-term field research in kibble consumption patterns and species specialization.

While employed at a leading North American animal food manufacturer was co-chair of committee that oversaw research on advanced formulations to minimize product regurgitation.

Was twice awarded “cat cuddle cup tester of the month” prize at Oak View Kennels.

Other work experience:

Tearing up upholstery
Eating tuna
Resting
Shipping Department box tester, Amalgamated Cat Foods

Hobbies

Clawing furniture, harassing my devoted staff, drinking the juice from tuna cans, sleeping, licking my nether regions.

Position sought

Chief executive officer (of course).

My requirements for the position:

– A 15-minute break every half-hour.

– Remove that hard desk and replace it with a large couch.

– Install cushions on the floor for those underlings who insist on bothering me.

– Two-hour lunch breaks, with kibble and wet-food buffets provided.

Don’t call me. I’ll call you when I’m ready to come in and issue orders to staff.