Hairy biscuits

The people who frequent Bud Scraggs’ diner are the sort who let their fingernails grow too long and fail to wash their baseball caps as often as they should.

So they didn’t hardly notice when Bud began making subtle alterations to the greasy menus lying on the counter, and probably wouldn’t have cared if they had noticed.



Don’t tell anyone, but Bud buys the ingredients for his “gourmet fresh seafood casserole” at a bait shop down the street from his diner.


Bud’s Diner is a marginal business, and he’s found a couple of equally marginal wholesalers where he picks up bargain provisions.

Thus, “bacon and eggs” on the menu became “very well-aged bacon and cracked-at-the-hatchery eggs.”

Then there’s the hash and eggs breakfast. Well, Bud doesn’t have to mention the ingredients of the hash and, wisely, he doesn’t. But a little mule meat, or maybe possum, probably do a body good.

“Biscuits and gravy” became “hairy biscuits and gravy.” You really don’t want to know how the biscuits get hairy, and you really, really, don’t want to know what is in “Bud’s famous secret gravy recipe.”

But you can be confident the coffee is always tasty. The crew members on the Panamanian freighter who slip premier spilled coffee beans to Bud guarantee it.



You won’t get a nice quiche like this, with all the trimmings, at Bud’s. But he charges a lot less than this restaurant.


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