Those mesmerizing minerals 

The word “mineral” sounds so official and distant; like “recommended nutrients” or “parts of speech.”

But minerals are sexy when you get to know them, rub your fingers gently over their surfaces, whisper their names softly.

Stilbite

Stilbite

And you can’t help but notice that some minerals even have cleavage. The experts claim it has to do with the splitting of crystals into pieces with flat surfaces. But you just know it ain’t the flat parts those kinky mineralogists are studying, as they whisper to each other that Halite has “perfect cleavage in three planes.”

Even the gentlemen in the field can’t control their excitement as they roll those erotic names round on their tongues; Adelite, Belovite and Galena  for a few.

Barite

Barite

There’s even a mineral named Formicaite, but only graduate students get to study her closely.

My roommate dated a girl named Galena once, and she was hot. But they broke up when he found out she turns into cubes when she cleaves.

In Russia, the ladies love Muscovite. But he’s stuck on Beryl.

And who wouldn’t love to walk down Main Street with an Opal clinging to their arm.

Orange calcite

Orange calcite

The bad girls hang out with the leering Wulfenite, who they know has a hardness of 3. But they won’t even talk to Talc. He feels greasy.

For the ultimate good time, guys call up Hornblende.

But they marry Ruby. She’s a gem.